The Wall

I hit it today.

It's strange, or maybe just frustrating, how you can be both really busy and feel like nothing much got accomplished.

~Got up at 7, showered, had breakfast, checked email, and then headed to campus around 8:30.

~Attended completely inane meeting at 9 where colleagues (staff/admin, not faculty) are completely unprofessional and push sycophancy to new heights (or is it depths?). Am told at the end of the meeting that I can now come to the front to get my "snack bag," presumably as a reward for attending the meeting. I almost fell out of my chair. Snack bags?

~Spent more time than I really should have debriefing with a colleague after said meeting. We did actually do some productive thinking/talking there (we work closely together, so some of this talk is really about getting to know each other and building a relationship so that we can work well together).

~Ate lunch at my desk.

~Sent an email to the student from the last post. And got an enthusiastic reply back from student not too soon after. (No, I didn't switch my position--I still said no).

~Emailed/IMed with my co-coordinator for a conference that we're organizing.

~Chatted with a couple of staff members about a project I'd like their help with.

~Held a follow-up meeting with another staff member. This was somewhat messy, and expected to be. I'd observed this staff member in action last week and this meeting was a debriefing session. This is actually part of my job: to observe the staff as they work, talk with them about it, and give them feedback/guidance to help them be better at it. Reasonable, right? They seem to be completely freaking out about this. Some believe that I have no right to observe them; some believe that I'm judging them; some are just stressed out by being observed. That last part is understandable, but good god is it exhausting trying to be patient with the rest of it. This particular person is defensive on a good day, so this meeting was especially fun.

~Tried to observe another staff member, but that didn't pan out, so chatted with him instead. Trying to develop a relationship with individual staff members, so that was productive in it's own way.

~Clicked around on the interwebs aimlessly for a while until the office closed up. Needed to make sure the defensive person left on time so that other staff could actually leave on time. Left campus at about 5, maybe a 4:45.

~Headed home, chatted with Chica for a bit, then lifted a bit of weights and went for a 3 mile run. Then we came home, had homemade banh mi for dinner (Chica makes banh mi much better than restaurants do; we tell the banh mi shop around the corner that we're just buying their french bread to make garlic bread because you can't really tell them we're going to make our own sandwiches at home), and now we're about to watch a movie and chill for the night.

Wait...no

OK, so here's the situation: a student emailed about a paper she got back this week. When I saw the name in my inbox, I thought, "oh, no, here we go again." Said student has been acting up a bit lately, so I expected whining, criticizing, etc. Instead, she acknowledged that she'd not done well and asked to be able to revise for a better grade. That's a nice surprise.

When I got the email, I was with a colleague and I told her about it. I said something to the effect that while it's good that the student realized she'd not done well, she had gotten a B, so I didn't think a revision was warranted. Colleague scoffed and said, "of course you should let her revise! What, you're just going to tell a student who wants the chance to do better that she should just be happy with her B?" In the moment, I agreed. It had been a very long day, filled with grading, teaching, meetings, etc. Even though I had a twinge of "that's not right," I just agreed and moved on.

But now? I don't think so.

First, I don't think it's fair to offer one student the opportunity to resubmit when I'm not prepared to give everyone that opportunity. And I am most definitely not prepared to give everyone that opportunity. There's just too much work left in the remaining weeks--2 formal papers, two shorter informal assignments, and 5 blog posts. That's a lot of grading ahead of me, and I'm not about to add a redo on this formal paper onto that pile.

Second, I'd rather the student learn from this misstep and focus on doing better on the next two papers. Given how much work there's left to do in the quarter, I don't know that it's in the student's best interest to add one more project onto that. My usual advice in situations like this is that you learn from your mistakes and use that knowledge to do better on the next task. I feel like that advice applies here.

I should note that the colleague who said this teaches sometimes, but not on a regular basis. Her role is primarily administrative. We may have philosophical differences about this, but it may boil down to the difference in what you're willing to do when you teach one or two courses a year (if that) versus when you're teaching every quarter.

So, yeah. I'm going to sit on it for the evening (so feel free to chime in), but I'm leaning toward no on this one.

Ya'll gon make me lose my mind

I would very much like to spend the day knocking some folks' heads together in hopes of shaking out some sense. But, instead, I will spend it hiding out in my office--with the door closed, thankyouverymuch--as much as possible while I get that grading from Monday done.

There's more to this story, of course, but there's even more grading.

Organization scheme or new way to avoid grading?

A couple of days ago, I drafted a post about how I'm finally starting to figure out how to keep myself organized in this new version of my job. And then I deleted that draft. Dunno why.

What I said, in a nutshell, was that my old system of keeping my to-do lists in my notebook (a hardbound sketchbook that goes virtually everywhere with me) has not been working for me. I kept redoing my to-do list and losing track of my time. When I'm in my admin office, I get a lot of interruptions, so I often have a vague sense of what I should be doing, but not what I should be doing right that minute.

Last week, I started using both the gmail calendar and task list. So far, it's working well. My admin colleague has access to my calendar as well, so she can track my comings and goings and add/delete stuff from it as necessary. This is a vast improvement over our original system, which entailed me having to update both my personal calendar book and our shared calendar. Disastrous system, that one.

The task list is working much better than my old to do list in terms of keeping me productive. For some reason, having that task list there to scroll through helps me stay on task much more than a handwritten to do list. I've also created folders for the various aspects of my job--teaching, admin, research, service, professional service--which is much better than just one list for everything.

One thing I have noticed, though, is that I've started using the task list as a new way to procrastinate grading. I'm currently avoiding grading a stack of papers, and I'm doing so by being really productive in every other aspect of my job. Nothing new, really, and I suppose it's better to procrastinate by being inappropriately productive rather than just unproductive. But I'm getting to the point where I either need to jump on the papers or decide to give them back Thursday (which would be a week from when they gave them to me, so still very respectable).

****
In other news, I'm stuck at the -24 lb mark. We went for a 5 mile run yesterday, Chica's first ever and my first in a loooooong time, and I thought that would bump me down to -25 lbs. But no. It may be that I'm plateauing for a bit. Which is understandable, but still frustrating, if only because we'd long ago agreed that when I hit the -25 lb mark I get to have some ice cream. (I know: rewarding weight loss w/ ice cream is bass ackwards, but it is what it is). I doubt I'll get there tomorrow because today is our rest day, so I won't be getting any serious exercise. Hopefully by this weekend....

Telling it like it is

I've been noticing a shift in how I provide feedback to students lately, both undergraduate and graduate. More and more, I've finding myself being very direct about weaknesses in their work.

It's not that I'm telling them that their work sucks--my goal isn't to tear their work up for the sake of tearing it up (or even tearing it up at all). And it's not that I'm always blunt and/or critical. But, when the situation calls for it, I'm more comfortable telling them that their work isn't cutting it. Some recent examples:

An undergraduate emailed the first paragraph of a paper to see if I could give him some feedback/guidance. This student is smart and diligent, so I was a bit taken aback by how not good that paragraph was. Instead of offering some false praise as a buffer for the critical feedback, I just dug in: I posed a lot of pointed questions and then gave some overall feedback. I also gave some suggestions about how to deal with the criticisms, so it wasn't just harshness. As I hit send, I wondered how the student would respond: would I be getting a steely look in class tomorrow? Have I lost this student's trust? As it turns out, I got an enthusiastic response when I asked if the feedback was helpful. The questions made sense to him and the suggestions for how to deal with them were really helpful.

I've also been working with some graduate students on a conference proposal--theirs, not mine. I've taken a very hands-off approach: I would provide feedback when and if they invited it, but I was otherwise not going to butt into the process. Which is what I did. In the first round of feedback, I was more open-ended: I posed more questions than told them what to do. Unfortunately, the questions, rather than pushing them to clarify their ideas, prompted an unraveling. The second draft that they asked me to review was more muddled than the first. After a long talk with a colleague who knows these students well (and knows they've been coddled in the past), I sent a much more direct round of feedback. I told them this draft wasn't cutting it and why. So far, the response has been muted. They've got a tight time frame, and I'm not sure that they'll decide to pursue the proposal. But I do think it was the right response. I want them to succeed, for sure, but I want them to be confident in their work and proud of having done it themselves.

(I'm also reminded of this student from last year.)

In talking with Chica about this, we talked about what's effective feedback and what's comfortable feedback. Being open-ended and non-directive is often more comfortable for me; I don't have to risk being the bad guy and dealing with confrontation or resentment. (And, to be clear, sometimes that kind of feedback is pedagogically appropriate and effective). But being more direct and critical is sometimes far more instructive (especially when combined with support/suggestions for how to deal with the criticisms), even if it is a more uncomfortable stance for me. I certainly don't want and don't plan to be critical for the sake of being critical. I see that some of my colleagues boost their own self esteem by tearing others down, and I hope I never become that sort of person/professor.

I think there's a relationship between my willingness to be more direct when necessary and my letting go of my secret desire to have a student fan club. Deep down, I harbor fantasies of being that professor that all the students love and rave about. I want to be that professor that I idolized when I was in college. At the same time, I realize and have always realized on some level that I am never going to be that professor. And, more importantly, that being that professor really isn't desirable or useful for students. Thus, as I let go of that secret fantasy, I become more willing to include direct but supportive criticism in my bag of pedagogical tricks. Some students may, in fact, be disgruntled with me, but as long as they learn, that's OK with me.

Blogging the unwanted

Since blogging the lost has proven to be so successful, then the reverse should also be true: we should be able to blog that which we do not want, right?

In that spirit, and with full faith in the powers of the blogosphere, I do hereby declare that I have no interest in whatever illness, be it cold or flu, that seems to be creeping in on me even as I type this declaration.

Checking in and rambling on

It feels like forever since I've posted, but it's only been about a week and a half. Sometimes I think about post topics and even start to write a post, but then...it just sort of dies there.

I'm keeping pretty busy lately and am starting to see how my new admin role is going to shape up. The past couple of weeks have seen me spending a LOT of time on campus--pretty much all day, five days a week. I spent most of my time in my admin office, about a quarter to a third of my time in my faculty office or teaching, and the remaining time floating around various meetings. I often go to campus thinking I leave mid-afternoon, around 3 or so, and then it's 6 or so before I actually do leave.

This is part of the learning curve for this position, but I need to scale back. My admin position is a 50% appointment, and I think I'm letting it eat up way more of my time than I should. Part of the issue is that I find it hard to focus and finish tasks when I'm in my admin office. I get interrupted by people popping in to ask a question (or to ask my colleague a question--we share the office) or I myself interrupt my workflow by asking my colleague a question. Sometimes I spend all day busy, busy, busy and, by the end of the day, can't figure out what, if anything, I've done.

Today and yesterday have given me some breathing room. Yesterday was a furlough day, so I *had* to stay home. I didn't work on any teaching or campus service work (as per furlough rules), but I did get caught up on some professional service work. I got to stay home today due to my colleague's generosity. Friday is usually her day to work from home, so I'm the only one on campus to mind the shop. But she offered to come in today so that I could have an extra day at home. I spent the day making progress on a book chapter revision (part of the never-ending book project) and tending to some other tasks. I've desperately needed to catch up on both the professional service project and the book project, so these two days couldn't have come at a better time.

Tomorrow I'm going to focus on reading ahead for my class. This coming week is a light load for me prep-wise--they're doing in-class workshops for their first papers and then watching a movie the other day--but I need to use this time to get a head start on the next book they're reading (esp since next weekend I'll have a batch of papers to grade). We're just hitting the middle of the quarter now, so it's kind of nice to have this space for myself to take a quick breather from normal prep work and get a jump start on the second half of the course.

In other news, I got an email this week asking me to serve as a facilitator for a summer professional development seminar in my subfield. I participated in this seminar a few summers ago, and it'll be very cool to be on the other side of the equation. I love the seminar co-chairs and am interested to see who the other facilitators will be. As a bonus, I get paid a stipend and get my travel and hotel expenses paid for, so it'll be nice to bring in a little extra money this summer. (I only wish the seminar were happening in a more interesting place; Chica already announced, in no uncertain terms, that she has absolutely no interest in joining me on this trip.)

The weight loss is progressing at a slow but steady pace. As of this morning, I'm now down 23 lbs. I pretty much weigh myself everyday, so I know that I fluctuate over the course of the week, but the general downward trend continues. Chica and I have now done 2 four-mile runs--the second one was so much easier than the first--and we do our 5K race this weekend.

The 5K race is part of our anniversary celebration--one year of being legally married. (At least, legally married in some states). We're doing the race in the morning, going out for brunch in the little town where we were married, and then going out for dinner at Chica's favorite local restaurant.

Speaking of running, does anyone have suggestions for a GPS watch/tracker? I want something that will track how far and how fast we're running and let me download that data. Also something that will record our lap times (we often run around our apartment complex, which is exactly one mile, and I end up trying to remember our time for each mile...and sometimes don't quite remember). I'm planning to buy an iPod shuffle for myself as a reward for doing the 10K race, but I'm thinking of putting something more expensive like a GPS watch on my Christmas/birthday wish list.

Well, now that I've done my brain dump, it's time to get changed for today's run: just a easier 2.5 miler tonight so we're not too tired for the race. Will try to post more regularly, but no promises.